Natural Hair. I'm over it.

Let's call my hair Ruby.

Dear Ruby

I don't want to say I hate you but I'm pretty darn close. You frustrate me. I am frustrated because in all the 2 years I've been growing you out, you're only 10/11 inches. You've been 10/11 inches for 2 months now. You aren't growing. You just aren't. You're just sitting on my head enjoying the finer things (i.e deep conditioning, scalp massages etc.). Ruby, you are always breaking, for what reason, I don't know. Seeing loads of hair come out on a daily basis has become routine, even when you were relaxed. I haven't used heat on you in over 3 years, so that's not the problem. My diet is okay. I've tried protective styling (braids,twists w/ & w/o extensions), but that only thins you out immensely. What do you want Ruby?

I can't even leave you in some braids for some time because mr. scalp will torture me! I've only treated you with 'natural' products in my entire natural journey.  Coconut Oil (Which makes my scalp itch), shea butter, oils and the whole lot. I'm not a product junkie and I don't mess with you an awful lot. 
When you're out in a twist out or braid out, I have to force you to be voluminous because lets face it, you're just flat. The more you grow out the flatter you become. I can't pull off a puff because you flop, wash and goes are a no-no too, so I've come to a sad realisation that you will never be a huge 'blocking people' type afro. No, instead you'll be calm and polite not big and fierce as I hoped you'd be.
But Ruby my dear, you aren't 'fine, the individual strands of my Ruby are thick, kinda like cotton thread but there isn't actually a lot of you. Basically mr. scalp is very easy to get to. Ruby, I loved you when you were shorter because of the fullness and I only assumed that you would become thicker and fuller...
Despite all this, taking care of you is not at all difficult, you don't require a lot of effort, it only takes an hour to wash detangle and moisturise you, this may be due to your lack of density. So in a way you being flat works out in my favour sometimes. But I just wish you were a lot more tougher, like the way some of my Nigerian friends describe their hair. I tried to follow Cipriana's advice (from Urban Bush Babes) of only washing once a month and then leaving you in a protective style, but after a week my scalp would itchlike crazy! Then I tried to co-wash every other day but you would come out in clumps. Now I wash once a week, no tools but you're still breaking... Breaking my heart that is... I haven't even had a decent twist-out in months and I don't have a go to style. Ruby I have seriously considered going back to the... (R)elaxer. You just need to relax, just chill. stop messing with me.

Sincerely Coconut and Cream.

So there. There you have it. This hair isn't growing, I'm just done. Just tired. I'm over it all. Whatever...
Natural hair. I'm over it.



p.s I don't even wanna start with my weight issues. I wish there were such things as Body MOT

The Circus Wives: Lovette

This is a self initiated project which I've entitled 'The Circus Wives'. Inspired by popular television programs such as Desperate House Wives, Real House Wives of Atlanta and Basketball Wives etc. (I am in no way implying that those women are clowns and belong in the circus...Or something...Or am I?)
I'm beginning to use different mediums for my work, I've started to work with inks and paints again and experimenting with different types of paper. I love my uni I really do, but sometimes their push to make everything digital kinda sucks the creativity out you. Which is why it's imperative that I draw loads, and you are all subject to my creative outpour! (mwahaha)
Head over to my portfolio for more of my work.

Lovette. I reckon is kinda like a NeNe Leakes.

Huge thank you to Ian - Who was so kind enough to photograph these illustrations for me

9/11

Beautiful and very touching animation by Lee Eusong.

Disproving Hollywood's Standard of Beauty

Someone once told me that beauty was in the eye of the beholder. With 'People' magazine crowning its latest most beautiful woman in the world, I really do wonder how true that phrase is in Hollywood. A couple of years back, when I used to watch 'America's Next Top Model', ( a TV show about women competing to win the Top Model title and a cash prize) there was one thing that Tyra Banks said (the host/supermodel) that always struck me and that was "Be Yourself". Tyra Banks was big on personalities, so much that she held this to having the same importance as actually being able to model. Girls had been eliminated from the competition for having 'no personality' (translate: not bubbly enough). This felt extremely contradictory because as soon as the girls had passed the third or fourth round, they'd be rushed to change their appearance, to the point where some of them were almost unrecognisable. Understandably the girls had to alter themselves to what was 'hot' in the industry, and going through these transformation proved how much they wanted to be there. Saying no to a Make over was as good as an elimination. I think what the producers/judges were really saying was 'be yourself but do that within these boundaries that we give you'. Subsequently you had these girls (some of them barely out of their teenage years) kind of confused and scared about how to act when they were in the judging room and I don't blame them one bit! On one hand you're almost being forced to show your personality, but on the other they want you to do it as 'pretty' as possible. So if you snort whilst laughing, do it muted... If you have a gap in your teeth. Fix it. This post is going to get as cliché as cliché can get and it will be a strong opinion piece (as much of C+C is) Brace yourself!

As much as I loathe what 'People' Mag does, I commend them. No really I do. Of course, create a magazine a brandish a celebrity as the most beautiful/hottest and give it to an already perishing generation where almost half of the population is suffering from low self esteem, thereby boosting an already self absorbed ego of a celebrity! (And breathe Sherida) It is absolutely the right thing to do. But I must be careful not to give all the credit to beauty magazines because after all they're only adding to the fuel.They have to make revenue somehow right?
You see what 'People' magazine should do is re-evaluate their title and rating system (who rates these things anyway?) specifically for Hollyweird. So that it reads 'Hollywood's Most Beautiful' or 'Pop Entertainment's Most Beautiful At Present' or something. Also I'm guessing they're judging by superficial means only i.e looks, power, influence etc.

'K' (From Yahoo! Commentary) says:

"If you asked 25 different people who the most beautiful woman in the world is, you'd probably get 25 different answers because everyone has a different idea of what makes someone beautiful. I think it's quite destructive to have this kind of 'public competition' like one of these women is more attractive than the others. What kind of message does this teach our daughters?"

Beauty is so much more than what we accredit it to. If I could only explain what I meant! My little sister is an example. I think of her intelligence and her enthusiasm, my little sister may only be 10 years old, but she has the faith of a veteran in Christ! I look at her and I see her beauty not because of her big brown eyes or her smile that extends to the corners of her face, but it is her faith which warms me up, her caring nature and amazing ability to battle through hardships. It's strange for me to see such maturity in a 10 year old girl, we have conversations that I could never have with some people my age. I love her because of that, obviously there is so much more I love about her, but that is just the tip of the iceberg.
I guess what I'm trying to get across is that so often we forget that beauty is not about how rich you are or how many awards you can bag. I'm sure the person granted the award this year has a nice personality to go with that pretty face but it's a smack in the face for the rest of the world to know that one particular person has been chosen to fill the 'Most Beautiful' role when there millions upon millions of women that can surely surpass her, if based on a superficial level.

So the award of the most beautiful person goes... To you. It goes to my mother, my sisters, aunts, cousins, to the drug addict who is working getting better, the lunch lady, the news anchor lady and I could go on. Because beautiful is you, you are beautiful and there is no magazine on Earth that should tell you otherwise. Make your own standards of beauty and never allow anyone else to tell you otherwise. You were created for a purpose, God the creator made you the way you are and my goodness, if He can create the universe and all that is in it, do you not think He knew what He was doing when He created you?
Self esteem for me is no longer about being content with who I am but it is being content with who I know God created me to be, and the latter is much more sustainable. Since feelings come and go, and I may not be feeling beautiful all the time, I can turn to God who will reassure me that I am just the way I am meant to be and His approval of my beauty is far more important than any magazine, because beauty is not in the eye of the beholder, but rather it is in the power of God.



"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised". Proverbs 31:30

The Circus Wives Illustrations

3 Weeks seems like a long time to be away from the web doesn't it? Thats just what I did, well if you count mobile Twitter and Tumblr?  Hope you all had a wonderful Easter. I've been drawing and painting a lot recently, trying to get back into the hang of things since coming back from Holland. I've been inbetween as to completely focus on design on this blog or just continue doing what I'm doing. Below is a sneak peak of what I'm currently working on, I'm going to expand to using different mediums (i.e. paint, ink, watercolour, different papers). I actually did these on my job. My job is people orientated but sometimes there aren't any people so you have to entertain yourself somehow! You can't tell here but I used a special 'skin-like' paper which allows light through and makes the illustration appear like they have actual skin and almost 3D. I don't think I'm gonna use my scanner much more for these pieces because it's both frustrating and annoying that the scanner (which costs almost £1000!) doesn't pick up the textures in the paper.

I call them the Circus Wives... It's the first thing that came into my mind and its stuck. These are the most recent sketches and they're inspired by my own blog banner you see above and they also remind me very much of Tim Burton's Illustration (Love that man). Though I haven't added all of my illustration work as yet, head to my portfolio to see more of my work, where I'll be regularly updating it.


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