I realised the other day that I'm turning 20 this year! (TWENTY!) I hyperventilate at the thought of no longer being a teenager - There go my chances of ever being a child prodigy *cries*. I still go into a little panic mode whenever I remember that it's unacceptable to act irrational anymore for the sake of being a teenager. Not that I do, but people won't look at me anymore and think, "ah she's just a teenager still", no, they'll say I'm an adult and should act that way. "But I don't wanna grow up" I'll cry, and they'll laugh because they would've been through the same thing and tell me I'm only 20. Only 20 they'll say, "You're only TWENTY!" Yeah right, like 20 is only 20. 20 years old today, 50 years old tomorrow *criessomemore*
You know, people meet their spouses at 20, they get married 3 years later and have kids a couple of years then. But what if I don't do all that. What if I end being the lady down the street with 20 cats and with too much time and too much paint on my hands. My friend concluded that I'm having a quater life crisis - very similar to a midlife crises but obviously at a different age, a much younger age. Watching this video affirms that yes life can race ahead of you sometimes and everyone tells you you're only young once, but you don't start believing it until you really have to leave the party. Yesterday your first tooth was falling out but today all your teeth are falling out! Yesterday you were jumping over puddles, today you're just walking around them. I do want to be the lady down the street with too much time and paint on her hands, and I want to be jumping over puddles, even when they tell me it's bad for my back and if I break it, Lord help me!
I don't know if any other people my age experience this (or are experiencing this). But I suppose you spend your whole life building momentum to when you're no longer a teenager that when you finally get there, you think 'is this it?' Honestly every 'milestone age' has been so rubbish for me so far, I'm not kidding! I remember turning 16 and feeling like YES! this is it. I did things I wasn't supposed to do in hopes that it would give me some gratification, but it was the worst birthday I had. Fancy waking up with your friends foot in your mouth on the morning after your 16th. I don't remember much of what happened, but I am certain I didn't enjoy it (eurgh). My 12th was even worse, not that 12 is a particularly awesome age or anything, but again I was building an expectation as to how I was going to be at age 12. In the end I got a granny jumper and a card I had to sign...From me TO ME! At this point it's safe to say that my 18th isn't really worth mentioning, because you don't want to know. Despite all this, I think I want to do something for this year. I promise I'm going to do something worthwhile, I think I owe it to myself to have a memorable birthday (and for the right reasons). But I guess I'll let you know when I get there.
Hi !!! Im francisco!
ReplyDeleteI live in Mexico (north near TX) and im currently studying in college 2 mayors cello and marketing!! I consider myself a free spirit and open minded human being, happy to be crazy enough to be killing myself with so much studying.
Im turning 20 in two days (nov 29 ) and im thinking a lot about my future and life!!!
I mean , the teen years are quite some, from 13 to 19, and its very memorable because its a period of time that you grew up and you became aware of thinks grown ups do.
Now at 20 you are or will study a minor or mayor in college, and begin to wonder if you can reach the society standard of living, and if its worth while studying so hard to impress everyone, or even yourself.
At the beginning of this year i had this wild thought, that i could start to change myself into a more healthy happy me, by trying to reach the vision and expectation that i wanted for me to be when i turned 20. Like be more motivated, work out some times, eat healthier, be more creative and grateful, etc.
Ive tried to do that, maybe realized that its more easy to say it than to do it, but its a start, I've done some things.
As i turn 20 im reflecting about of all the mistake/success I've had and be grateful and learn from all of it. But also all the things i hadn't done, my fears and insecurities, how can i fix them and how awful that i couldn't do that before my 20´s. Like jump from a bungee, or parachute, go climb mountains, hiking, playing more musical instruments besides the cello, bla bla bla.
Maybe im making a big deal about this "life crisis" of growing up, but i cant help think about the future, how am i going to earn money and will that money make me happy, and how much money is enough to have a good decent life, i mean theres so many people that cant afford to even have water or food, what can i do to help them while still affording me to earn money for my family.
And thats the other question, is it really worth it to have a family, when will it be, nowadays divorce rates go up i mean is it so difficult to stay committed to a significant other and be happy in good times or bad??
So many issues with this world and we are the change makers, we need to care to create and educate others to care!!
So much uncertainty, but in fact maybe a certain amount uncertainty its good for us humans.
Well , im going to stop, and wish you a HAPPY LIFE CRISIS, because it helped us think and made us conscious about the things we took for granted, and be excited about the things to come!!!
I mean our life starts now, making decisions has never been more crucial/exciting!!!
So good luck maaah friend !!
Sincerely Francisco.
Hey Francisco!!!
DeleteWoah, this may be the best response I've ever had here on my blog - Thank you so much for this.
I suppose if you never go through a point where you seriously have to evaluate your life, you effectively won't get anywhere? Very often self criticism may become the push one needs to try something different. Remember when you were a little younger, and your elders used to say something like "You are the future!", well that saying has never felt more real. To know that we (those 18-25) are now becoming the ones that will drive change and determine our own standards is a scary thought.
It almost feels like the responsibility to "fix" the mistakes (and similarly uphold the successes) left by our predecessors is too grand. What are we going to do about the unequal balance of wealth and basic needs? Are we going to be pessimist and "accept" that some people don't have food and water, or are we going to step outside our comfort zone and ensure that we all have a little something. I'm not necessarily talking about ending world hunger here, but just in our own communities, or neighbourhoods. No one wants to step up because it's all too difficult.
Also I think that our generation has turned a blind eye to anything politics related and is automatically deemed as negative. No one wants to talk about politics or change because of the fear of 'offending' someone, or it being too complicated. My goodness, we're such a sensitive generation!!! When have complications ever stopped a revolution from speaking truth! Gosh I don't want to echo everything you've said but there is a lot of truth in your statement. It's encouraging to know that your view as someone my age validates my little freakout here!
Heartfelt congratulations for your 20th tomorrow! Haaaaaaaaapy Birthday!!!!!!!
xox
C+C
Yeah when I turned 20 *cries* I did become hugely aware that I am an adult now. There are days I stop to remember I am actually no longer 19 years of age, and it has been well over a month since my birthday and it has not sunk in at all. I am still very much silly and immature, but I have realised myself looking back over my choices, and the choices I make now.
ReplyDeleteIt really is now by God's grace getting out there, making a difference. You see how everyone else is growing and what I still find myself in is being stuck in the past almost, yet the winds of change are pushing me further and further to my destiny and this change and when I couldn't accept it at all when I was 19, I am accepting it a lot more at the age I am and believe me It doesn't help when you already have friends who will be married next summer, and it is like "what? I just became an adult, guys cool it. lemme enjoy the beginning of this adulthood without having to think about all this extra stuff " Uni and the reminder of the debt student finance will be happy to chase me up about once I graduate is really enough haha.